The USA: Back in the USSR!

We used to laugh at Boris and Natasha, never dreaming that the USA would someday replace the former USSR as the world’s most stupid, backwards, nonsensible socialist nation.

Did you feel sorry for Soviet moms waiting in line at the grocery store only to find empty shelves? That could never happen in the mighty USA, the world’s economic dynamo and home of free markets, right? Lately American shoppers are finding not only empty shelves and six-month lead times for ordinary products, but also Argentina-style price inflation.

The United States once had a vibrant free press that would investigate government corruption in a New York minute, while in the USSR, Pravda was the only news available to Russian citizens, and it was nothing more than propaganda straight from the totalitarian Soviet government. Hmmm, kind of sounds like CNN, MSNBC, and Facebook, right? Hunter who?

The USA, through applied technology and free enterprise, became energy independent and enjoyed the economic boost that abundant and affordable energy (oil and natural gas) can provide. But wait, our new administration is pushing alternative energy without considering the scientific realities: solar and wind can’t come close to the reliability, sustainability and low cost of petroleum energy.

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Cars from the USSR back in the day were almost useless. Check out our new $50,000 high-tech electric cars that require a 75 amp service for recharging when most homes only are wired for 100 amps, and our electric grid limits us to only three Teslas per block in most cities. Plus the puny 274 mile range of our best hybrids and 10-hour recharge cycle makes long distance travel impossible even if you can afford the cost of the electricity that is ten times the cost per mile of gasoline.

But we still have our freedom, right? At least we don’t have a KGB watching our every move and abusing our rights. No, we have the FBI tapping our phones and emails and instigating “insurgencies” to harass and arrest anyone who opposes our oppressive federal government.

Soviet elections were known world-wide to be manipulated. Now the USA sets the world standard in election fraud, making Vladimir Putin look like a piker.

But boy, the Soviets sure screwed up in Afghanistan, didn’t they?

What a bunch of losers! So glad that couldn’t happen to our vaunted American military – our foreign policy is so superior that we now have a transgendered four-star admiral in leadership. Thanks, Mr. President, for striking fear into the hearts of our adversaries.

Yeah, haha. The old Soviet Union sure was a joke.

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

I’m back in the U.S.S.R.
You don’t know how lucky you are, boy
Back in the U.S.S.R.

Back in the USSR – the Beatles

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