Federal Employees – Here’s How to Get More Paid Vacation Time, Free!

vacationA message for Federal Government Employees:

Are you stressed out from all of those meetings and conferences in fancy hotels?  Is that 30-hour work week wearing you out? Five weeks of vacation couldn’t possibly be enough.  Couldn’t you use a little extra time off from that exhausting desk job?

How would you like an extra two weeks of paid vacation, free?  No tricks, no gimmicks, no downside!  No kidding!  Up to 14 days of extra paid vacation time!

It’s easy.  All you have to do is screw up!

That’s right, section 5 of the civil service code says that if you screw up, your boss can’t fire you.  In fact he or she can’t even recommend any kind of disciplinary action.  Your “punishment”, if any, will be determined by some middle-management guys in your agency who don’t have any skin in the game.  These “deciding authorities” have no interest in whether you follow the rules, break the law, embarrass your department, or threaten national security.  No skin off their noses, right?  They just need to be sure that their boss has plenty of CYA sauce, and that they don’t gum up the works.

If they give you any punishment at all, it will be paid leave.  Sorry, usually that is limited to 14 days, because if they assess more free vacation time than that, the “Merit Systems Protection Board” has to get involved, and it could complicate things for the boss. But don’t worry, really there is no risk.  Nobody EVER gets fired from the federal government in the Obama era.

Here’s how it works.  Let’s say you are on assignment for the DEA in Columbia, and you need a little extra time off (with pay) for a spring break getaway.  All you have to do is go hang out at the local brothel and have some fun with the working girls.  Really! Don’t worry, your sex party is paid for by the drug cartel (you know, those guys you have been pretending to bust for shipping container loads of cocaine to the fine citizens of Philadelphia and Detroit).  So go and enjoy your time off.  Your boss doesn’t mind.

The taxpayers don’t mind either.  Heck, they have been giving out paid leave for all kinds of federal employees who have learned that screwing up is the best way to get some extra paid vacation time.  According to the Washington Post, tens of thousands of federal employees are home on paid leave right now as part of their “disciplinary action” for screwing up.  Over a recent three year period the tab to the taxpayers was $775 million in salaries alone, not to mention the cost of replacing these bad boys and girls while they were on their extra paid vacations.

The taxpayers even pay government employees at retirement time for sick pay that they didn’t use because they didn’t get sick. What’s another couple of weeks of vacation for you?  No big deal.

So if you want a couple of weeks of extra vacation, take my advice:  do something terrible!

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

Rockin' On the Right Side

 

Vacation, all I ever wanted
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