Today, while waiting for a haircut at a local “clip joint”, I looked for a magazine to pass the time. Of the 50 or so in the rack, I found only one that was not written for women. I admit I was tempted to open one of the ladies’ rags to find out “What Men Really Want”, as promised on the cover. Not that I care about other men, mind you – I just wanted to see if the editors got it right. But my old-school inhibitions kicked in, and I reached for the men’s magazine instead.
It was called “Men’s Something or Other” – I had never seen or heard of it before. The titles on the cover left no doubt that the editors knew exactly what would catch the eye of any reader under the influence of testosterone. Like, “The Sexy Blondes at Fox News”.
As soon as I opened the cover, I realized something was wrong. None of the articles resembled the titles. In fact, each was a left-wing political manifesto, thinly veiled as an article of legitimate interest to men.
The piece about the Fox News women was hilarious. The writer expressed how aroused “he” is whenever “he” sees “fake blondes” Gretchen Carlson or Meghan Kelly. “He” fantasizes about sexual encounters with them, sharing with the world how their stupidity makes “him” all the more horny. The language was reminiscent of seventh grade locker room talk, except when describing the specific political issues that demonstrate how stupid the Fox women really are.
Note the quote marks I placed around “him”. I inserted them because there’s no way in hell that article was written by a man. At least not a heterosexual one. I’m sorry, but no man on earth would admit – repeatedly and enthusiastically – that he experiences physical arousal from watching the news. Or that the more he politically disagrees with a woman, the more physically aroused he becomes. Or that he gives a hoot whether a woman’s hair is artificially colored or not.
The article was mercifully short, and with trepidation I thumbed to the next item of primal interest to us manly men – a passionate tome about the “Ten Most Urgent Steps To Stop Global Climate Change.” Number one was the mission to stop burning coal, followed by the worn-out left-wing checklist: more wind and solar power, eliminate all offshore oil drilling, and ban fracking.
It was item number five that made my jaw drop:
“Place free-roaming bison herds in the CM Russell Wildlife Refuge of Central Montana”. What the hell does that have to do with Climate Change?
The hair-person (I sure miss barber shops) called my name and I shuffled to the chair, my mind reeling from all the things that are wrong with this picture. Was the “men’s” magazine a fake-out, actually written by Valerie Jarrett to subliminally indoctrinate us unsuspecting neanderthals? Or was it an actual attempt to publish a real men’s magazine by female editors who have never had a date?
Anyway, it again illustrates that there are no “special interest” groups on the left. All leftists support all leftist causes. What else could explain the promotion of bison – specifically bison dropped into the CMR of Montana – as a solution to climate change?
Rockin’ On the Right Side – Tom Balek
I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I see them looking
I make them want me
I like to tease them
And they want to touch me
I never let them
I Know What Boys Like – the Waitresses
This may be the campiest video ever featured in “Rockin’ On the Right Side” . . .