An epidemic is sweeping our nation. Hair On Fire Syndrome (HOFS) was first widely diagnosed among members of the Democrat community and has recently begun to infect other defenseless groups of Americans.
The Democrats suffered a series of immuno-deficiencies in recent years. Their policies have been an abysmal failure, they have no constructive plans, and they have no potential leaders with any credibility, likability, or electability. Since 2008 the Democrats have lost 69 House seats, 13 Senate seats, and the US presidency. Democrat governors are outnumbered 2 to 1, and only 12 states have Democrat control of their legislatures. This caused concern among Democrats, but because until recently Americans had Obama in their hair, the disease couldn’t advance to the point of ignition.
Most experts agree that the genesis of the HOFS epidemic was the election of President Trump. With their Obama gone, some leftist heads exploded, but most just spontaneously ignited. Democrats with advanced HOFS began marching down city streets with their kids (who are supposed to be in school) screaming “Raaaacist! Everybody is RAAAACIST!” There were reports of clusters of HOFS-stricken Democrats jumping up and down in their union T-shirts (they are supposed to be at work) insisting that the most existentially important issue to every American is where transgendered people pee. And the Democrats’ hatred for our new president is so overpowering that every time a new tweet is issued, thousands of new HOFS cases are reported.
Hair On Fire Syndrome is contagious. Fake news networks have reported a severe outbreak of HOFS among their reporters. Republican congressmen cancelled town hall meetings on their recent recess, fearing exposure to the disease. But the insidious affliction appears to be getting a foothold on Capitol Hill, as many congressmen have steadily weakened on their promises to repeal ObamaCare, reform the tax codes, and drain the swamp. Under pressure from HOFS-averse Republican moderates, and reacting to media reports of extreme HOFS symptoms among Democrats across the nation, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has failed to present Trump the same repeal bill he gave Obama in 2015. This has caused some HOFS-like symptoms to appear among conservative activists.
Fortunately, our president seems to be immune from HOFS, taking firm but measured steps forward, and calmly repeating that he will follow through on all of his campaign promises. His appointed cabinet and agency heads reflect the president’s steady trajectory.
Despite the Hair On Fire Syndrome epidemic that has swept the nation, it appears that cooler heads will prevail.
Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side
You’ve fought hard and you saved and earned,
But all of it’s going to burn.
And your mind, your tiny mind,
You know you’ve really been so blind.
Now’s your time, burn your mind,
You’re falling far too far behind.
Oh no, oh no, oh no, you’re gonna burn!