We conservatives are repeatedly blasted in the press for being too rigid in our positions. They say we impede progress because we refuse to negotiate with our political opponents. Today I am going to reach across the aisle. I’m now willing to compromise with the liberal Democrats and the spineless, shivering Republican leadership in Washington, DC. (I’ll probably skip Eric Cantor, no time for lame ducks.)
Today I agree with the liberals: let’s continue Obama’s open-border policy. All the hordes of undocumented Central American and Mexican aliens walking across our southern border? Let ’em in, I say. The 60,000 helpless illegal immigrant kids expected to enter our social welfare system this year? No problem.
“Well,” you ask, “what are we going to do with all of these uneducated, destitute adults and wave after wave of homeless, hungry children?”
I have the answer! Let’s send them all to Washington!
We recently visited Washington, DC and saw hundreds of very large. solid federal buildings with plenty of space, good heat and air-conditioning, modern bathrooms and food facilities. Surely our liberal friends in Washington would have no problem inviting the people they so cherish to share their space, their food, and their bathrooms.
The Capitol building, for instance, has many large open areas. Since President Obama is pulling our armed forces out of the Middle East anyway, he could move all the unused beds and equipment from the barracks right into the Capitol complex, so the immigrants could share space with the congressmen and senators. Harry Reid would love having the kids running around and playing in the offices and chambers. Heck, Nancy Pelosi would probably volunteer to do some diaper duty in the nursery!
And on our visit we also saw many thousands of federal employees, almost all of whom vote for and support the liberal Democrats. I’ll bet they support open borders and unrestricted immigration, too. They wouldn’t mind giving up their jobs pushing elevator buttons, sweeping the halls, and queuing up lines of tourists to these poor, needy Central Americans, would they? Our federal government workers are so highly skilled and motivated that they could easily get jobs in the private sector.
Federal officials, you can stop busing load after load of illegal kids from Texas to Arizona. Just send them to Washington, DC where they will be wanted and loved.
And what a great example those compassionate DC people will set! Why, I’ll bet the Hollywood liberals will follow suit and open their homes and workplaces up to the incoming hordes of homeless immigrants, too. The new hombres y mujeres would be welcomed to take over all the jobs on the sound stages and studios, and the Democrats who currently work there could go milk cows in Wisconsin or something. I’ll bet some of the immigrants would make great actors and actresses, too. Who needs George Clooney and Tom Hanks? We can all read subtitles.
You know, I think I like this “compromise” stuff. The DC bunch can get what they want: lots and lots of illiterate future Democrats, right there in Washington, DC where they can be cared for and controlled. Meanwhile, out here in the states we can have jobs for our taxpaying citizens and balanced budgets in our governments.
Problem solved! Send all the illegal immigrants to Washington, DC where they can live together with their superheroes.
Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side