HOFS (Hair On Fire Syndrome) Epidemic Rages Across America

photo courtesy Malia Litman

photo courtesy Malia Litman

An epidemic is sweeping our nation.  Hair On Fire Syndrome (HOFS) was first widely diagnosed among members of the Democrat community and has recently begun to infect other defenseless groups of Americans.

The Democrats suffered a series of immuno-deficiencies in recent years.  Their policies have been an abysmal failure, they have no constructive plans, and they have no potential leaders with any credibility, likability, or electability.  Since 2008 the Democrats have lost 69 House seats, 13 Senate seats, and the US presidency.  Democrat governors are outnumbered 2 to 1, and only 12 states have Democrat control of their legislatures.  This caused concern among Democrats, but because until recently Americans had Obama in their hair, the disease couldn’t advance to the point of ignition.

Most experts agree that the genesis of the HOFS epidemic was the election of President Trump.  With their Obama gone, some leftist heads exploded, but most just spontaneously ignited.   Democrats with advanced HOFS began marching down city streets with their kids (who are supposed to be in school) screaming “Raaaacist!  Everybody is RAAAACIST!”  There were reports of clusters of HOFS-stricken Democrats jumping up and down in their union T-shirts (they are supposed to be at work) insisting that the most existentially important issue to every American is where transgendered people pee.  And the Democrats’ hatred for our new president is so overpowering that every time a new tweet is issued, thousands of new HOFS cases are reported.

Hair On Fire Syndrome is contagious.  Fake news networks have reported a severe outbreak of HOFS among their reporters.  Republican congressmen cancelled town hall meetings on their recent recess, fearing exposure to the disease.  But the insidious affliction appears to be getting a foothold on Capitol Hill, as many congressmen have steadily weakened on their promises to repeal ObamaCare, reform the tax codes, and drain the swamp.  Under pressure from HOFS-averse Republican moderates, and reacting to media reports of extreme HOFS symptoms among Democrats across the nation, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has failed to present Trump the same repeal bill he gave Obama in 2015.  This has caused some HOFS-like symptoms to appear among conservative activists.

Fortunately, our president seems to be immune from HOFS, taking firm but measured steps forward, and calmly repeating that he will follow through on all of his campaign promises.  His appointed cabinet and agency heads reflect the president’s steady trajectory.

Despite the Hair On Fire Syndrome epidemic that has swept the nation, it appears that cooler heads will prevail.

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

Rockin' On the Right SideYou’ve fought hard and you saved and earned,
But all of it’s going to burn.
And your mind, your tiny mind,
You know you’ve really been so blind.
Now’s your time, burn your mind,
You’re falling far too far behind.
Oh no, oh no, oh no, you’re gonna burn!

Fire! – the Crazy World of Arthur Brown

 

Hey, There’s Another Poor Transgendered Person Looking For A Place to Pee

Gender-neutral-bathroom-signI was walking downtown the other day and saw a really sad thing.  There were transgendered and LGBT people all over the place, frantically looking for a rest room they could use.  I felt so sorry for them and wondered what it must be like to have to go all day without being able to find a place to pee.  It made me feel so guilty, knowing that I was born with “straight-person privilege.”

Then I stopped into a bakery to grab an apple fritter just as the police were hauling the owner off to jail for refusing to bake a wedding cake for a gay customer.  And while I was there, I saw this lecherous sleazebag follow an innocent little girl into the ladies room, claiming to be a woman with a man’s parts.

No wait, that didn’t really happen.  None of it ever happens.  Anywhere.

I have never seen a transgendered person puzzling over where to pee.  I can count the number of transgendered people I have ever seen on one hand, and I have not led a sheltered life.  I don’t know anybody who has ever suffered from a bathroom gender issue, other than the occasional woman sneaking into the men’s room to avoid a long wait in line.  And in my many years of retail business experience, the only incident I know of where a gay person was denied service of any kind is the bakery story that was set up by the Democrats and has been milked to death ever since by the lamestream media.

Why, when the world is so full of REAL problems, does the left insist on stirring up controversy and conflict over situations that don’t exist, or are too ridiculously rare to deserve public attention?  And why does the right think they have to react to these puerile challenges from the left?

North Carolina and Gov. McCrory, you don’t need a law to protect your citizens from something that will never happen.  Why don’t you go to work on cleaning up your sanctuary cities?

Bruce Springsteen and Jimmy Buffett and the rest of you phonies: go sell your $150 concert seats in New York City.  We’ll go down to the pub and listen to some good local music for free.

NBA,  please go ahead and pull your 2017 All-Star Game out of Charlotte.   Don’t just threaten, do it.  It will save the taxpayers a small fortune.

Democrats, quit making up problems.  Republicans, quit reacting to their nonsense.  Gay people, stop parading on the streets half-naked and acting like idiots.  Straight people, stop harassing gay people, they are not any threat to you.  Everybody just shut up and get back to work doing something that matters.

Problem solved.  No charge.  Miller time.

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

Rockin' On the Right Side

Well, I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walked like a woman but talked like a man
Oh my Lola.
La- la- la- la- Lola.
La- la- la- la- Lola!