russian hackers | Rockin' On The Right Side

trump-phone

[operator]: Good morning, Mr. President. I hope you will enjoy your first day in the Oval Office.

[Trump]: Thanks, Rosie. But just remember, one screw-up and You’re Fired! You’ll be back cleaning bathrooms at ‘The View’ with those other ugly broads in a New York minute!

[operator]: Of course, sir. I have made your first call – President Putin is on the line.

[Trump]: Hello, Vlad. Hey, I just wanted to let you know, no hard feelings about hacking the DNC. I don’t blame you, it’s a hell of a lot of fun tweaking that bunch of whiney snowflakes, isn’t it? I would have done it myself, but I can barely do Twitter. Anyway, what do you say we get together next week and make a plan to take out those ISIS bastards once and for all? Should be fun! Later, comrade.

[operator]: Mr. President, President Kim Jong-un of North Korea is ready to speak with you.

[Trump]: Is that you, King Kong? I have a message for you on my first day in office, you fat little f***, so listen up. If you test one more nuclear device, if you launch one more missile – if you so much as pee one drip outside your hole in the floor, my boys will turn your God-forsaken armpit of a country into a flamed-out marshmallow on a stick. You got that, Ping Pong? Fagettaboutit!

[operator]: President Trump, the president of Mexico, Enrique Pena Nieto has been holding for you.

[Trump]: Hello? Hello? Now, Enrique, please stop crying. It’s . . . there, there, Enrique, it’s . . . now please . . . Look, I know it was Vicente Fox that said he wouldn’t pay for my f***ing wall, not you. Enrique? You need to get yourself together amigo, call me back when you can talk. Okay, Adios.

[operator]: Mr. President, I have reached Prime Minister Trudeau of Canada.

[Trump]: Well hello, there, neighbor! I called to invite you to join me later this week, eh? We need to work on our plan to make North America the energy powerhouse of the world. I am so ready to get everybody back to work and our economy flying, eh? Our low energy cost will attract the best manufacturers from all over the world. What a one-two punch, eh? Heck, if Mexico cleans up their act, maybe Enrique will want to join the party, too. He’s got a lot of good workers down there, eh? All right, my friend, let’s start Monday. Oh, and by the way – let’s talk about that “Liberal Party” of yours, eh? Okay, bye.

[operator]: Mr. President, our conference call with the leaders of Germany, France, Great Britain and Japan is ready for you.

[Trump]: Fellows, thanks for joining me on this call. Oh, and you too, Frau Merkel, sorry. I just wanted to let you know that I bought the UN building in New York City this morning. Yes, and I am evicting all of those whiney little despots so I can turn it into a first-class resort hotel. Right. Last I heard they are going to meet up in Kinshasa. I don’t know, it’s somewhere over there in Africa. But hey, I thought we could start our own little club, you know? We could watch each other’s backs and get some of these messes cleaned up, instead of paying for all those other little piss ants to cause trouble all the time. Then if some of these other countries want to stand up for democracy, and human rights, and free trade and forget about getting rich by global warming hoaxes and identity politics, maybe they can join the club later on. Right. I’ll see you guys at Mar Largo next month.

[Trump]: Rosie, hold my calls for a while, I have to straighten out the tax code, fix our immigration problem, and get a new health care system running. But I should be done in time for my 4:00 pm tee time!

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

Listen kid, you paid for the call.
You ain’t bad but I’ve heard it all before.
Don’t call us, we’ll call you!
Don’t call us, we’ll call you !

Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You – Sugarloaf

Jerry Corbetta, founder and leader of the Denver band Sugarloaf, passed away a few months ago. Sugarloaf had some monster hits in the seventies and they are as crisp today as they were then. I feel a tiny connection to this band – I played in a band with a guy who played in a band with a guy who played for Sugarloaf. Probably every musician in the world has played with every other musician in the world, twice removed! Anyway, enjoy this classic – sorry, no live video of this song.

Sadly, the glory days of Spy vs. Spy are gone. No more encrypted notes taped under park benches. Forget about secret meetings in parking garages. Throw away your fountain pen with the camera in the cap.

Was that sultry Russian babe James Bond’s friend or enemy? How did Maxwell Smart get such good phone reception in his shoe?

Today’s spies aren’t nearly as cool and clandestine as the spooks we grew up with. You won’t find them sneaking through the fog in trenchcoats with microfilm and hidden cameras, digging up tidbits to sell to the KGB or the CIA. But there are still plenty of them, and they are gainfully employed by governments all over the world. They spend their workdays in front of a computer screen, looking for an open port or a compromised password. They write worms of code that can be planted in a target computer to reveal government secrets from yesterday, today, and into the future.

Democrats and the mainstream media (sorry, redundant) have suffered ‘hair-on-fire syndrome’ this week, blaming Russian hackers for helping Donald Trump defeat their heroine Hillary in the presidential election. It’s amusing on a number of fronts. They want to impugn Trump because somebody hacked their DNC servers and emails. They assume it was the Russians, but they don’t know. They don’t seem concerned about the ugly Democrat secrets revealed. They can’t explain why Russian president Putin would prefer Trump to their golden girl. Wasn’t it Hillary who gave 20% of our strategic uranium supply to Russia?

Vladimir, when asked by a reporter about Russian hacking, said, “It wasn’t us, but thanks for the compliment.”

“There’s nothing there benefiting Russia,” Putin told the Russia Calling conference. “The hysteria is simply to distract the American people from the contents of what the hackers have posted.”

Putin doesn’t deny that his government employs hackers. He would be foolish to do so, at a time when China, the United States, and many other governments are feverishly at work trying to dig up each others’ secrets. China, in fact, is setting the bar high for other wanna-be hacker spies. They nailed the personnel records of 4 million US government workers. Oops, make that 21.5 million government workers. They busted into the White House, the US Postal Service, the State Dept., and the NOAA. They infiltrated the FDIC. It may be hard to find a government server that hasn’t been hacked by the Chinese. Several years ago the Chinese Army filled a building with hackers, and has since built a small high-tech city around it, putting a whole lot of their espionage eggs in the computer hacking basket.

And if stealing secrets isn’t bad enough, foreign hackers are developing offensive weapons that could black-out our electrical grid, bring the stock market to a screeching halt, or make our barely-functional air traffic control system totally dysfunctional. Chances are some or all of these dastardly deeds are already do-able.

As early as 2011 the US government recognized hacking as the next big thing in intelligence and intrigue, ramping up to hire its own army of geeks. Mum has been the word since then, but it would be naïve, to say the least, to think that we haven’t tried to sneak into Putin’s database.

As to the latest knots in the Democrat underwear about Trump conspiring with big, mean Putin against poor little Hillary (who got her own top-secret server hacked by lord-knows-who) – I say, fagettaboutit. It’s Spy vs. Spy all over again, and our spies had better be at least as smart as the other guys spies.

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

Hey don’t feel afraid
Of an undercover raid
There’s no need to fuss
There ain’t nobody that spies like us!

Spies Like Us – Paul McCartney