I Ordered My Free Obama Phone Today!

cell_phonesUpdate 8/7/13:  Some of you are wondering how I ordered my Obama Phone when Assurance Wireless does not offer the program in Montana.  I am currently in North Carolina, but I still have a home in Montana.  I ordered my Obama Phone from Charlotte – I’ll let you know when/if I receive it.  By the way, I ordered this just to prove a point, not to take advantage of you taxpayers!

 

Why are you paying for a cell phone?  Don’t you know that you can get as many cell phones as you want, for free?

Of course we all know that nothing is really free, somebody has to pay for everything, but hey — my friend Barack was re-elected in 2012 because he says it doesn’t matter how much our government spends.  Most Republicans are hiding under their desks in Washington, DC, so it is pretty clear that what we buy or how much debt we have doesn’t matter.  Our buds at the IRS can just tax other people some more, and if we run out we’ll have our friends at the Fed print as much money as we need, right?  Free is good!  Get what you can!  We’re all Democrats now!

Jillian Kay Melchior of the National Review heard that people in her city routinely obtain for free — and then sell — dozens of “Obama Phones”, courtesy of the taxpayers.  She set out to see if it is really that easy to get free Obama Phones.   Jillian learned that under Obama’s “Lifeline” program, pretty much anybody who signs up can receive one or more free Obama Phones from one or more cell phone vendors who aggressively seek out participants.  There is little, if any, verification of eligibility.  Commissioned phone salesmen give away as many as possible and the taxpayers pick up the tab.  Jillian got three free Obama Phones without even really trying.

So this morning I web-searched “Obama Phone”, and here is the number one listing:

ObamaPhone

I filled out the Assurance Wireless on-line application, providing my name and address, and indicating that I would prefer to communicate in English rather than Spanish.  I checked a couple of boxes, answering with complete honesty, and then printed and mailed my application.   Can’t wait to get my new free Obama Phone, along with 250 minutes and 250 text messages per month, forever!  What a deal!  It should be here in a week or so, I’ll give you a call when I get it.

I do feel a little bit guilty, knowing that you taxpayers will pay over $2.4 billion for phones for me and Barack’s other friends this year.  You know, I still get an e-mail from Barack or someone in his office every day asking for $5.  Here’s the one I got today:

Obama Letter

I should probably send Barack a five-spot today, as a thank-you for the cool phone.   Happy Birthday, buddy!  What a guy.  Why would I vote for anyone else?

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

Rockin' On the Right Side

No more lonely nights
Will you be alone
All you got to do is
Pick up your telephone
And dial, now
634-5789 (What’s my number)

634-5789 – the Blues Brothers

Sanity Prevails (for once) – Crazy Airline Subsidy Ends

airplane dropping moneyLast December you witnessed my rant about the ridiculous airline subsidies for “Essential Air Service” for small Montana cities.  I facetiously thanked you taxpayers for chipping in $3,652 for my (and every) 120-mile flight from Lewistown to Billings.

Apparently ridership increased from 1 passenger per day to 1.5, so the annual subsidy turned out to be just over $2,000 per passenger.  But here’s the good news:   Today the Associated Press reported that the Essential Air Service subsidies for Lewistown and Miles City are no more.  Unfortunately, the subsidies for the other Montana small cities were left in place.

Hooray!  Chalk up one small victory for the taxpayers!

Now, how many other wasteful, fraudulent, unproductive, and obsolete federal government programs are out there?  Hey, I know . . . let’s look first over at the IRS, who spent $4 million on a conference for 2,600 government workers, but can’t seem to figure out how to collect over $1 billion in past due taxes from federal govt. employees (did ya ever hear of payroll deduction?)

Maybe we should look into the estimated $2.5 billion in food stamp fraud, or the $1.5 billion spent for ObamaPhones.  Senator Coburn found $18 billion totally wasted in 2012 without breaking a sweat.  And then there’s ObamaCare.

I have applied for one of those government grants so I can do a study:  “Why does the federal government waste our taxpayer dollars?”  The report would be pretty short, so I only asked for a million dollar grant.  But just in case my grant request doesn’t come through, I’ll give you a sneak preview of my findings.  The federal government wastes your money because: it isn’t their money.

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

Rockin' On the Right Side

That ain’t workin’.  That’s the way you do it.
Let me tell ya, them guys ain’t dumb.

Get money for nothin’, and chicks for free.

Money for Nothing – Dire Straits

Classic rock by an all-star cast – Mark Knopfler, Sting, Phil Collins, Eric Clapton.  Notice they left out all the politically-incorrect words.  Wimps!

Our Federal Govt. – Dumb and Dumber

And now, here’s the latest headlines from Right Side News:

  • The IRS estimates they will pay out $21 billion in fraudulant refunds within the next five years.  I bet it’s triple that.  They received 2,137 returns from one address in Michigan in one year.  They sent him $3.3 million dollars in refunds.   It never occurred to the IRS top management to add one line of code to their program that checks for multiple returns or refunds at one address.  By the way, your kids and grandkids will have to pay the $21 billion (or more) back to the Chinese, who loaned it to us so we could give it to the crooks.  Nice work, guys.
  • Our Missile Defense Agency has been putting our top-security computers at risk by downloading porn from Russian web sites.   Well, it’s been kind of slow around the Missile Defense Agency office.  They don’t have anything important to do.
  • In spite of the mind-boggling increase in our national debt, the feds just keep buying more cars, increasing their fleet to 449,000 vehicles.   The taxpayers now provide only one car for every seven federal employees.  But we make it up to them by providing smart phones for all of them.  That way they can watch porn and play Angry Birds without having to use the office computers.
  • The Post Office is now in default, owing billions of dollars on union employee benefits that it can not pay for.   Oh well, it’s okay.  Hey Bernanke, could you start that printing press back up?

And that’s the news for this afternoon.  Actually there’s more, but I think I need a drink . . .

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

We think we know what we’re doin’
That don’t mean a thing
It’s all in the past now
Money changes everything

Money Changes Everything – Cyndi Lauper

Old Bean Counters, Revolt!

I spent most of my career as a “Bean Counter” –  that’s what the other managers of a company call their CFO or controller.   We Bean Counters take a lot of ribbing about how dull our lives must be, buried in numbers and surrounded by computers.  But successful managers know that good businesses are run by the numbers, and with careful planning, analysis, and execution, the company will create consistent and predictable profit for owners or stockholders, rewarding jobs for employees, and many benefits for the community at large.

These days we Old Bean Counters are frustrated.  We believe success in a free market democracy should be a slam dunk –  predictable, manageable, with steady growth and improvement in the standard of living for everyone.

In our “Adam Smith” world, the free market economic formula works flawlessly.  Businesses prove it every day, and our nation became the envy of the free world relying on the economic principles of supply and demand, lowest cost production, improved technology and efficiency, personal responsibility, and charity of free will.

So what happened?  Our predictable, successful “controller’s” world has been turned upside down.  We are buried in debt, jobs are scarce, and the only solution offered is more taxation and government spending..

The free market is no longer free, as our government at every level tears away layers of personal freedoms, and chokes businesses with red tape and unnecessary costs at every turn.  Personal responsibility has become “old school”, as our government rewards bad behavior and punishes good behavior in every conceivable way.   And charity, once a rewarding personal choice, has become a grating mandatory redistribution of wealth.

Even some of the young Bean Counters have gone astray, having sold their ethics on Wall Street along with some bundled mortgages.

I am convinced that if all the Old Bean Counters from across the nation stormed the city, state, and federal government offices and took over, we could straighten out our country’s financial mess in no time.  We would run the government like a business!  Government employees, you will work a full 8-hour day, 50 weeks a year.   We will find every asset owned by the government and sell the ones we don’t need or use.  Every agency will justify its budget every year.  Disability is only for the disabled.   College is for serious students.   Corruption will be punished.   No more grants!  No more watching porn on government computers every day!  No more six-figure guaranteed pensions at age 50!  No more $800 hammers!

And most importantly, we would convince Americans once again that it is in their best interest to be a part of the production and success, rather than throwing rocks at those who are pulling the wagons.

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

You say you got a real solution
Well, you know,
We’d all love to see the plan!

Revolution – the Beatles