Help! My Friend Barack Needs $5!

Obama-needs-$5As you know, I get a letter every day from my friend Barack, asking me to send him $5.

Today I got two letters from my friend Barack (I know he’s my friend because when he writes to me he always calls me “friend”).

Poor Barack – he is starting to sound desperate, and today’s letters were not as friendly as usual.  I’m afraid Barack has discovered that I have not been sending in my $5 every day.

His first letter today said,

“That’s why we don’t just fight the good fight — we stay at it until we win.  Today, I’m asking you to make a commitment — 2014 should be a year of action. Pledge to keep fighting for change.” 

Apparently he isn’t happy with the way things have gone the last five years while he has been in charge of the country.  I’m so confused.  If we are fighting for change, shouldn’t I send my $5 to somebody else?

The second letter said,

“Friend — this can’t be right.  We’re just going through our records and — even though you’re one of our best supporters — it looks like you’re not a 2013 founding member.  Nothing’s changed: It still takes each of us chipping in what we can, when we can, to build the kind of grassroots movement that can win the big fights.”

I’m starting to feel guilty.  I mean, maybe he really needs the $5.  Especially if he is in some kind of a fight.  But on the other hand, my dad told me when you give money to a beggar he will probably just use it to buy some crack or something.  My friend Barack said he snorted cocaine when he was younger, and maybe he still has a problem.  That’s why I have not been giving him $5 — I’m afraid he might relapse into drug abuse again.

I wonder who he is fighting, and why he needs $5 from me every day?  He’s not running for re-election.  His house is paid for.  Seems like he goes on a lot of expensive vacations, and his wife buys some pretty spiffy clothes.

Maybe he can’t afford health insurance?  If his children are hungry, I know he could get $668 a month for food for his family of four.

Anyway, I’m kind of worried about my friend Barack.  I haven’t sent my $5 in yet, do you think I should?  It sounds like he really needs me.

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

Rockin' On the Right Side

Please remember how I feel about you
I could never really live without you
So, come on back and see
Just what you mean to me.
I need you!

I Need You – the Beatles