I Am Running for President

recessionOur nation languishes in an economic recession that seems intractable.

Our manufacturing base is gone.  Many of our cities and states are bankrupt.  The aisles at the neighborhood Dollar Store are jammed.

Still, there doesn’t seem to be any sense of alarm.  We whistle past the graveyard, as our government borrows and prints ever-increasing gobs of money to shore up our sagging standard of living.  We know it has to come crashing down.  The bubble will burst.  Are we content to just wait around until the doo-doo hits the fan?

Meanwhile, our fearless leaders offer no suggestions, no plans, no hope for a solution to this inevitable economic Hiroshima.  Have you heard anything from our President or our Congress that leads you to believe the economy will get better?

Decision-making has devolved into finger-pointing.  Politicians ride the fence, careful to not suggest anything that might cost them a vote as they play on the emotions of a citizenry that has become numb to bad news.  The remaining few of us who realize the gravity of our economic situation have, frankly, given up.

Tom-presidentTo hell with it.  I’m tired of whining about the situation and nothing gets done.   If nobody else will step up, I guess I have to.  ELECT ME AS YOUR NEXT PRESIDENT.  I will head the ticket for the E Party (the “E” stands for Economy).

If elected, I will declare war – call it World War “E”.  We will attack our economic crisis with a national fervor and urgency not seen since World War II.  The futures of our children and grandchildren depend on it.  You will ask not what your country can do for you, you will ask what you can do for your country.  And what you can do for your country is demand performance from our federal government, starting with Congress.

No more pandering for votes by competing to see who can give away the most stuff.  No more political correctness and phony junk science.  No more corruption – government crooks will do jail time, not get suspended with pay.  No more 139-day work calendar.  You will stay in session, you will do research and deliberation, you will work until you come up with solutions!  The president and the citizens will tell you – Congress – what needs to be done, and you will do it!

We will seal the borders and stop the flood of poor and unskilled illegal immigrants – we can’t afford them and we need to take care of our own.   We will eliminate corporate taxes, death taxes, and all other double taxation, and will create a simple, fair and flat tax system – this will spur the economy and eliminate corruption between big business and politicians.  We will sell all unused federal property.  We will eliminate all obsolete and inefficient federal programs.  We will abolish the corrupt government employee unions.

We will embrace our natural resources and become the energy provider to the world.  We will implement modest tariffs on all imports and bring manufacturing jobs home.  We will build 21st-century transportation and communication infrastructure and a state-of-the-art national defense system, including REAL anti-terrorism with profiling – not hassling Grandma at the airport.  We will let the rest of the world sort out their own problems, and make sure they know better than to screw with us.  Those nations who want to join our side in World War E will be welcomed to the team.  Kick the United Nations out.  Drop out of the World Trade Organization.  Tell the Chinese to get on board or bug off.

We will help the helpless, but not the clueless.  We will teach our children patriotism, history, free-market economics, and individual responsibility.  We will make our education system relevant, functional, and competitive.  We will encourage excellence and initiative rather than dependency.

We can do this.  Look at what our nation has accomplished in the past when our backs were against the wall.

Can I count on your vote?

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

Rockin' On the Right SideI’m your top prime cut of meat, I’m your choice,
I want to be elected!
I’m your Yankee Doodle Dandy in a gold Rolls Royce,
I want to be elected!
Kids want a savior, don’t need a fake,
I want to be elected!
We’re all gonna rock to the rules that I make,
I want to be elected!

Elected – Alice Cooper

Here’s my first campaign commercial!

Please Don’t Vote

“Get Out the Vote”!  It’s a good thing, right?  Everybody should vote!  It’s your responsibility as an American. It’s patriotic.  It’s for the good of the country.

Ask anyone you meet – should every American be allowed to vote?  The automatic, enthusiastic, unequivocal response is always: “Yes!”

Just for the exercise, let’s set aside our rigid posture (and the Constitution) and ask, “What is best for our country, and our childrens’ futures?”

Should a person who has never paid taxes get to vote?  Where else in the circus of life can a person decide how another person’s money is spent?  Half of US citizens pay no federal income taxes, but they still get to elect those who spend the money taken from the other half.  Isn’t that a golden opportunity for corruption? I’ll break this down:  “Vote for me, and I’ll give you somebody else’s money.


Should a person who has no understanding of candidates, issues, government, history, or economics be allowed to vote?  Let’s be honest, a large percentage of our citizens are economically and politically illiterate.  They don’t read or watch any news. They don’t know who the vice president is.  They can’t find China on a globe.  And they are absolutely not able to make an intelligent decision about how our government should be run for the benefit of all.

We don’t let children vote.  Why?  Because we assume they have no clue what they are voting about.  Unfortunately, when it comes to important events, many of our adult voters are child-like in their understanding of the world.  An astute and well-educated fifth-grader is more qualified to vote than many adults.

Should a person who can’t prove eligibility get to vote?  A state legislator from a college town here in Montana was recently testifying against stricter identification rules for state voters.  “This is so unfair!” she wailed.  “If we lengthen the registration period, how are our out-of-state and international students going to be able to vote?”

In a world where personal identification is a requirement of daily life, asking a voter for ID is just common sense, and everyone knows it.  Those who oppose it clearly intend vote fraud.

It may seem that I want to take away the average guy’s right to vote.  I don’t.  But I do think that every voter should have skin in the game – when each voter pays at least some taxes, he will be more interested in how the money is spent.  I think our education system should be dramatically improved so that by adulthood, each citizen knows our country’s history, understands economics, and is equipped to vote intelligently.  And I think we should protect the sanctity of our electoral process by making sure that only eligible voters cast ballots.

Call me a rebel.

Tom Balek – Rockin’ On the Right Side

ImageI’d like to help you son,
But you’re too young to vote!

Summertime Blues – the Beach Boys